Baby Steps

When your days are often spent...
directing and redirecting:
play nice.
use your words.
thank you for getting your shoes on, but I asked you to fold the towels...

trying to make sure each kid gets all they need and that no one gets lost in the shuffle...

helping a child move from one struggle to the next...

trying to keep one child clothed and another from wandering into the woods...
(both of which often seem to be impossible tasks many days)

trying to maintain a clean and safe home
while also trying to provide nutritious meals that aren't going to cause GI issues
and also attempting to homeschool five children all on different levels with different needs and challenges...

giving one hundred percent of everything you have 
and then giving some more...

in those days it's easy to miss so much.

It's easy to lose perspective.

to miss the baby steps of progress.

It is easy sometimes to see all they are not doing 
and lose sight of...
how far they've come.
how far I've come as their Mama.
how far we've come as a family.

It is easy to see big steps backwards.

It is easy to see the small and not so small differences between them and their peers and/or siblings.  As they are getting older this is more noticeable.
What once was easily passed off as cute or quirky or just a little kid being a little kid isn't so easily passed off when the kid is now a teen or past the toddler years or "old enough to know better".

It is easy to see that its still such a long walk to get *there*.

It is easy to see that each time we get *there* we realize there is somewhere else to head to next...that it really is a never-ending road.

I.

 It's easy to miss that the child who once just stared at and lined up his toys is now actually playing with them at times. 

Yes he still lines them up, sorts them and counts them more than he plays with them...BUT he plays with them sometimes.

Yes, he follows the lead and mostly mimics his brothers behavior or acts out scenes from favorite shows, BUT sometimes he actually plays.

There are even times now when he initiates the play.

Yes, It's usually to re-enact Backyardigan scenes...BUT he initiates play.


Last week he ventured away from his beloved hotwheels to give Lego a try.

He only created Pablo and Tasha from Backyardigans (and then carried them around for two days)...
BUT...he created Pablo and Tasha from Backyardigans.

Baby steps.

II.

It's easy to miss that the child who hates to take a shower has gone from throwing an absolute fit, to simply grumbling a little and then obediently taking a shower.

It would be lovely if he wanted to shower...or at least if he just resigned himself to the fact that it's a necessary part of his routine.
We aren't there yet.
If I focus on getting there, it's easy to miss the baby steps.

What once consumed an hour of my time or more every day, now takes just a few minutes of patiently reminding him that grumbling won't get him out of it.
He takes a shower and we move on with our day.

Baby steps.

III.

It's easy to be so focused on a bad attitude that I miss we are a far cry from a complete meltdown this time.

A beloved show had to be missed because we had other plans for that evening.

A few months ago, this would have resulted in a meltdown.
One that would likely last hours, sometimes even into the next day.

This time, there was the exchange of unkind words between siblings.
There was much anxiety about the situation.
There were attempts to bargain and problem solve.
There was frustration and sadness when the solutions weren't manageable.
There was the shifting of blame and the sensory overload that comes when he's upset.

and then...

There was the acceptance that "it is what it is".
There was the determination and the push to get beyond it and have fun anyway.
There was the realization that missing the show didn't end the world and that it's okay sometimes to do other enjoyable things too. 

Baby steps.

IV.

In the big issues of life, it's easy to miss that the child who once would refuse to eat for hours if the right spoon wasn't available has on his own found a solution.

Yes, I'd love it if he just used whatever spoon was available and for this to be a complete non-issue.

He isn't there yet.
However, accepting that there are times when the right spoon isn't available is no small thing.
Determining that there is a solution (using a plastic disposable spoon when a "circle spoon" isn't available) and being able to communicate that to me in the midst of being upset?
Much bigger deal than it seems.
Parker would say it's Gilantic.

Baby steps.

V.

When a child is determined to wear clothing inappropriate for the weather, it's easy to miss that he's willingly getting dressed.

It wasn't that long ago when every single morning was an epic battle over the simple task of getting dressed.
We still have battles many times a week (sometimes many in a day) over clothing...
something is too tight or too loose...
the sleeves are too long...
the pants are too fuzzy...
the socks are too tickly...
the tags are too pokey...

Yet, there has been a change.
There is growth.
The battles are a little less frequent,
a little less intense some days.
He's even worn socks for several hours at a time more than once recently.

Baby steps.

VI.

Last year one child was in a Christmas parade.
This experience was not a wonderful one.
Two children had tremendous difficulty managing the situation for several reasons.
By the time we arrived home at the end of the night, two children were screaming and it took hours to settle them down.
As is often the case, the overload from that one experience spilled over into the next couple of days.

I secretly hoped it was our last parade.

It wasn't.

One child was excited about again getting to ride in the truck with his teammates.
Two others were excited about watching (and getting free candy).

That excitement did not spread to the other two brothers.

Anxiety began to settle in last week, about five minutes after the text came giving all of the details.

Last year, he grumbled, complained, whined and eventually screamed.
This year, he found the words to say "do you think we could find an alternative for me perhaps?"

Sure it would be great if he could share in the excitement.

Yet, he realizes it's too much for him and he was able to self advocate and help find an alternative (a quiet evening with grandparents, that included getting to watch his show)

Younger brother too spread his wings of self advocacy a bit.

He identified what bothered him most...the bands...and he asked for two coats with hoods so he'd have double the padding over his head.
He put his hands over his ears when the bands came near.
When that wasn't enough, instead of screaming and/or trying to get as far away as possible, he grabbed my hands, said "I need you to close me up" and placed them over his ears.

At the end of the evening, he was soaked from the rain and a bit overloaded from the sights, sounds, smells of it all.
He struggled a little, but he was able to hold it together until the very last ten minutes or so before bed.

Baby steps.

It's in the quiet moments like this one
when everyone is asleep
and 
I can
take a deep breath
let go of all that the day has brought
and really see...

I see there may be a million miles to go.

I see that there are so many unknowns.

I see that it often seems like swimming uphill against a strong current.

I see they are so far ahead of some and so far behind others
and I see that the comparison game is just as worthless as the guilt game.

I see that these things are true with all of my children in varying degrees...special needs or not.


Most importantly, I see
how far they've come.
how far I've come as their Mama.
how far we've come as a family. 
I see these baby steps (and so many more)
and 
I know that there is 
nothing 
small about them.