Food, fun and football were in abundance this year. However, I wasn't in charge of the camera this time around. Someone *cough, Nana, cough* was having too much fun that she kept forgetting to take pictures. I snapped a few:
Nana did manage to get this one. It was take 12 of hmm, a lot more than 12. She was trying for the perfect shot, I say this is close enough. Oh and we didn't sneak a sixth kid into the crew, the adorable guy in the middle is my nephew. :-)
As I close this month of giving thanks, one thought keeps going through my mind.
How could I ask for more?
I've already said a hundred times in a dozen ways that I'm blessed beyond measure, that this life is not what I thought I wanted, but it's so much more than I could ever dream. It's not perfect. There are surely things I'd love to change, trials I'd love to not go through. Maybe. Those things have shaped who I am, so maybe I'd not change them after all.
There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon Catching fireflies at night Building castles in the sand Kissing Mama's face goodnight Holding Daddy's hand Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
Running barefoot through the grass A little hide and go seek Being so in love, that you can hardly eat Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow Fall to the ground Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
So many things I thought would bring me happiness Some dreams that are realities today Such an irony the things that mean the most to me Are the memories that I've made along the way
So if there's anything I've learned From this journey I am on Simple truths will keep you going Simple love will keep you strong Cause there are questions without answers Flames that never die Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord How could I ask for more
...for fifty little (and not so little) fingers that smudge the windows, find their way in cake batter and cookie dough, wipe my tears and tickle my tummy.
...for a husband that loves me unconditionally, no matter how unloving I can be at times.
...for home. It's not the house of my dreams, but the home within the house is greater than anything I've ever dreamed.
...for friends. The ones in real life and the ones that "live" in my computer. The friends that love me for who I am. The friends that know little about me, but are always there to listen and encourage in areas where we have a connection. The friends that I've known for years and the ones that I'm just getting to know.
...for health struggles and how God uses them in our lives to mold us, refine us and use us for His Glory.
...for giggles and belly laughs...especially when they appear for no reason.
...for hot showers...even if they are often interrupted.
...for warm sweaters and funky socks.
...for mint tea and kids that don't mind sharing their favorite mugs.
...for a husband that works a lot and still comes home and jumps right in where needed.
...for nose-rubbies and bear-hugs
...for Thanksgiving dinners past, a house full of loved ones all gone now. The memories with us forever.
...for Thanksgiving traditions...making butter, kids providing entertainment with song and dance, homemade cranberry sauce.
...for new opportunities and challenges
Most of all for a God that loves me more than I will ever begin to understand. That he came to me in the depths of despair, drew me to Himself,made this broken mess into His child is something that I will forever stand in amazement and gratitude.
How deep the Father's Love for me...
Thank you, Jesus...for this...for your Life poured out for mine...for me, this wayward, mess to find the way...for life more abundantly than I ever knew possible...for love that takes my breath away... every time he kisses me, every time they say "I love you, mommy", every time I read your Word.
This year, I'll add I'm thankful
...for Koala hugs and bedtime stories
...for a husband that never stops trying to understand his children and lovingly, patiently, tenderly guides them through some tough situations.
...for the sound of the piano. It's old, out of tune and played by children with no formal lessons. Yet, it's beautiful to me. ...for a paper hand-print turkey taped to my computer monitor. May it always remind me to be thankful and to cherish the small things, more importantly, the small people in my life.
...for milestones, big and small. Those that are on time and those that have taken years to reach. ...for daily reminders to not take simple things for granted.
...for a girl that loves to bake and help in the kitchen and how she's becoming my right hand.
...for friends for my children. Thankful that they are eachother's best friends first, but that they are beginning to develop special friendships with others too.
...for grandparents that love my children even when they don't understand them.
...for boys that never give up. They are the greatest examples of perseverance and determination in my life. They inspire me, challenge me and never cease to amaze me.
...for the funny stuff that comes from the mouths of babes. It would be a full time job to try and record it all. ...for so much more than I could ever write in one blog post. ...for this life. This beautiful, messy, roller coaster ride of a life. Every breath. Every moment. Every cuddle. Every kiss. Every tear. Every time I feel like my heart can't possibly break anymore. Every time that I feel inexpressible joy. Every mountain. Every valley. All of it-a precious Gift and I am once again, on my knees, full of gratitude.
The weeks have gone by quickly and as of yesterday the season is officially over. Bear with me for one more football post.
After a lot of hard work, dedication, blood, sweat and tears the boys made it to the conference championship. That game was yesterday.
This was my facebook status yesterday afternoon and I think it says all that needs to be said: 25-0 loss. Disappointing end to an otherwise great season. We'll focus on the greatness...6-1-1 season, won the semifinal and made it into the championship game. Great coaches, great players, great teamwork, some really great games, great effort and great support! Way to go,Huskies-you've come a long way since that 1st practice Aug 1st...Next year!!
My boy is sad the season is over, sad the championship was lost, but so thankful for the opportunity to play and he's already geared up for next year.
conference 2011 jr. pee wee Runner-up team trophy
quite possibly Rocklin's biggest fan and definitely his most dedicated practice partner.
This just might be our 2011 Christmas card picture. It contains all five children, all of them are dressed(sort of, I won't mention the fact that Parker's wearing a pair of his brothers boxers and soccer socks instead of pants), and they are all looking in the right direction with no grumpy looks. Yep, definately a winning picture.
I cannot write post upon post about giving thanks without sharing the greatest gift I've ever received.
My salvation. Jesus blood poured out. Grace flowing down. Mercy lifting up.
I am not a great theologian.
I'm not a street preacher.
My faith is simple, quiet, personal.
I could never in a million years find adequate words to express what it means for me.
beauty in ashes.
joy out of mourning.
A pit so deep, but a God able to dig deeper and pluck me out of such despair.
Unspeakable joy amidst unspeakable pain.
I can't earn it. I don't deserve it. Yet it's mine.
Thank you, Jesus.
For this life.
This life so abundant.
This life where my children know of the Father's love for them in ways that I still can't grasp.
This life where I daily fall and you lift me up.
This life where my mess becomes your canvas.
This life where my strength comes only from you.
I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost: Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God. Bought by such love, my life is not my own. My praise-my all-shall be for Christ alone.
Jerald made this video for me yesterday. His robes for mine? Brings me to my knees in thankfulness. That my son is beginning to grasp what that means? I'm on my face.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3John 1:4
Have I mentioned that I love this kids perspective and the way he continually thinks outside the box?
Last week I ordered explode the code phonics books for him and he's been very eager to get started. This morning he told me that he thought he could handle it without my help and so he went off to his desk while I helped another kiddo with something. When he finished four pages, he brought the book to me to go over with him.
I scanned the page...
Notice anything a little different from what you expect?
The directions are to look at the letter on the left and cross out which picture begins with that letter sound.
He did them all correctly until the last row.
I scratched my head wondering why in the world he would cross off an elephant for the letter "g".
He really is beyond this book and could jump up a book or two, but he started with book one at his own choosing. He doesn't like to start things in the middle. So, I was pretty sure he had the concept and that there had to be a reason he chose the elephant.
So, we had the following conversation:
Me: (pointing at the last row) You did great, but what happened here on this row?
Aaron: What do you mean what happened? I did what it said and I am sure it's the right answer.
Me: (pointing at the letter) what letter is this and what sound does it make?
Aaron: G, it says guh, guh, guh
Me: (pointing at the rabbit) and what about this picture?
Aaron: It's a rabbit which starts with R and ends with T.
Me: (pointing at the cup) and how about this one?
Aaron: (a little annoyed that I'm asking such a silly question) it's a cup, c-u-p, ccccuuuupppp
Me: (pointing at the elephant) and this one, you think elephant starts with g?
Aaron: (clearly annoyed now) Of course elephant does not start with g. Elephant starts with e, are you sure you know all of your letters?
Me: Well, I'm a bit confused. If elephant starts with e, why did you choose it for the letter g? Why not the glass? Doesn't glass start with g?
Aaron: Yes, but that's not a glass, it's a cup, c-u-p, cccuuuupppp. The elephant isn't just an elephant. Look at the picture again. Do you see? It's the right picture for the letter g.
Me: I'm not seeing it, bud. I think the right answer is this one (pointing at the cup). I know you think it's a cup, but it's supposed to be a glass which starts with g.
Aaron: Nope, the elephant is the right one. Look again.
Do you give up?
It's an elephant doing gymnastics. Gyyyymmmnasticssss starts with g.
Two of them restlessly, tossing, turning, talking.
It won't be long before one is up and headed for a shower.
It won't be long before the other is up and headed for my bed.
Here I sit. Earbuds in my ears. Natalie Grant helping me tune out all the other quiet noises of the night.
I sat down here to write the overflowing stuff in my heart and mind. I'm having trouble sorting it out and knowing where to begin, what exactly I want to share. It's all a jumbled mess.
A post on Thankfulness is a good spot to start I suppose.
Yet, here on this night, I'm struggling with that a little bit. Sure, I'm thankful. Thankful for more than I could ever write even if writing was my full time job. Yet it all seems like empty words tonight.
I thought about a post to educate/advocate/spread awareness. Today gave enough moments that I could write at least a dozen posts along those lines... ...how autism affects our sons, our whole family ...how hard it is to deal with motor and vocal tics, knowing the child cannot control it, doesn't mean it's always easy to ignore them and let them go. ...how tiny, insignificant changes in routine might seem no big deal, but they will always cause a problem later in the day as all of those little things add up.
A hundred other posts are running through my head all related to my children's special needs.
I could write about... ...how the reason you might not see a meltdown is because I do everything I possibly can to make sure we get them out of a situation before they get to that point (or when possible, to avoid the situation from the outset). ...how while my church family enjoyed a fellowship meal down the hall I sat in the sanctuary with the doors closed biting my lip, fighting tears, praying and using every ounce of strength I could muster to hold down my son so he didn't hurt himself or break something. ...that at one point he got free from me, flipped over four chairs and nearly broke a window when he flung himself and a chair into it.
I could tell you how hard it was to hold him down and at the same time text my husband so he could quietly leave the fellowship hall and help me get our boy to the suburban before anyone witnessed what was going on.
Maybe I'll even tell you how thankful I am that I'm not the one that had to wrestle him into his carseat. However, I was paid back in full because I'm the one that had to drive home while he kicked my seat and screamed the entire way.
I could tell you all of that. I could even tell you that there is much more being left out.
How about a family fun post instead?
That would be a good Sunday night post. Something nice and cheery to start the week.
You see, even with all the above we still had some really great moments to our day.
Sunday football and the dolphins even won a game for a change. That oughtta make anybody smile!
Late in the day when all finally calmed down we went to the park and spent some time playing.
No pictures as it was getting dark and I didn't even take the camera. I wouldn't have had time for pictures anyway because I was too busy chasing the football as Rocklin practiced kicking field goals.
Somehow as I sit here now in the dark, Kev went to bed long ago, I don't want to write about any of that.
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of it and more. I'm still trying to decipher what, how and if I want to share it.
No, as I sit here tonight, thinking of a few particular friends I want to just say...
Life is worth it.
Life is hard. Suffering is real and comes in many forms. No one lives a life void of suffering, disappointment, depression, disillusionment. There isn't a person on the planet that isn't fighting a battle of some sort every day.
Most of us live lives that see us constantly climbing insurmountable mountains, dancing on the mountain top and then promptly falling forward into an avalanche rolling out of control until we fall splat in the valley.
Rocklin's football coach often reminds the boys that the difference between those that are champions and those that are not is simply one thing...champions rise to the occasion.
I think this is a truth that goes far outside of the bounds of a football field.
Champions aren't made because they practice enough or work hard enough.
Champions aren't discovered and plucked out of the talent pool.
The circumstances aren't what matter in this life.
What matters is that we can live a victorious life. We can be a champion. We simply must rise to the occasion. A lot will be thrown at us. It will be messy. It will be hard. It will be unpredictable. It will take us to the end of ourselves. It will show us we are stronger than we ever imagined. It will also show us we are weaker than we ever imagined.
I know I've struggled with some things lately and I have a few friends that are really walking hard and difficult roads. All very different situations, none less hard than any other. They've been on my mind a lot and as I've interacted with them, I keep coming back to one thing...that part of the point of human experience is to share. We were made to be relational. We were meant to share in each-others joy and suffering...the good and the bad.
I haven't written too often about my past here on the blog or anywhere for that matter. Partly because to share my story, I have to share about others and that's not always easy or possible. Partly because I'm still wrestling a lot of it myself. Of course, it goes without saying that some simply doesn't need to be shared.
Yet in recent days as I've tried to speak life, love and encouragement to these friends I've seen more and more that part of having that story is because it's His story. It's not intended to be hidden. It's meant for His glory. Maybe I'm just trying to make sense of some things tonight, but it seems to me that sometimes the purpose of the hard parts of life are so we can stretch beyond ourselves and share our experiences with those walking through their own tough stuff.
I know what it's like to be in the depths of despair.
I know what it's like to wonder how there could possibly be a God, must less a loving one, when there is so much pain and suffering in this world.
I know what it's like to feel like there isn't a person on the planet that loves you completely for who you are and as you are.
I know what it's like to walk through unspeakable grief, trauma and pain at an age when you can't even begin to have the emotional maturity to process any of it.
I know what it's like to be a married adult, a parent and finally trying to work through years of heartache.
Friends, all I can say is that Life is worth it.
Even when it doesn't seem so, it's a gift an unspeakable gift.
Every breath. Every dirty diaper. Every hour of frustration over a child not grasping a math concept. Every hug. Every hurt. Every day spent feeling like you've lost your purpose because all you do is cook and clean and herd cats. Every meal you cook. Every hard moment that breaks your heart into a million shattered pieces. Every good moment that lifts you higher than you imagined you could ever go. Every tear. Every smile. Every mountain. Every valley.
It's all part of a bigger picture. It's all meant to define you, to refine you, to move you beyond yourself and into His arms.
Keep fighting. Keep rising. Keep moving. Beauty will rise from ashes. Mourning will turn to joy.
I am a firm believer that the little things in life are important. I believe they are the "genetic make-up" of the big things. With that in mind, I try often (and probably fail just as often) to celebrate the little things and to make sure my kids know they are the big things.
While I'm always on the look out for little moments of joy and hidden blessings in the mundane, I was reminded today that I need to look for more.
I need to look deeper. While I'm looking for those little nuggets of joy, I also need to look for snippets of hope. While I celebrate the little things, I need to also learn from them. While I look for ways to redeem the seemingly insignificant parts of my day, I need to seek out random rays of peace and reminders that nothing in this life of motherhood is insignificant. It all matters. It's easy to get bogged down in the every day tasks of being a mom, wife and homeschool teacher. It's easy to get discouraged and lose focus on the big picture.
It's important to find ways to bring the focus back, to capture joy, to cling to hope and to dwell on love.
This morning, Aaron was drawing "movies". This is something he does a lot and to be honest, I don't quite get it.
Despite his efforts to explain to me, I just really don't understand exactly what he's doing. He draws little boxes, puts pictures in them, then asks me to write whatever he needs written into each little box.
Since I don't really understand the whole concept and it seems insignificant to me, I sometimes have to feign interest as he tells me about each picture in elaborate detail. I am so thankful he is at this place. This place where he can communicate with words much of what is in his head. This place where he is using his imagination more and more. This place where he has big ideas and wants to share them with me before anyone else. I really am so thankful. I really love it, but, well I'm also not so interested in these "movie" box picture things. So, while it's easy to love listening to him and be patient, it's a bit boring and not a favorite part of my day.
Today, something happened and it's no longer insignificant to me.
Today he was in my bedroom with me, door locked to keep his siblings out and he was drawing, drawing, drawing away. Finally satisfied with his drawings, he asked me to take a look and write the words.
I looked at his paper and saw a handful of little boxes with what looked like various food items.
He starts listing off what to write... Blueberry Bell Lemon Juice Cherry Berry
We continue through each box. I write while he explains, asking after each box "don't you think that's kinda funny-ish?"
We get to the last few boxes and come to one that has several hearts drawn in the box. It's sandwiched between "root brick" and "oatmeals". I smile at the randomness and wait with anticipation to hear what he wants me to write.
He says "Hope Loves"
I repeat it and ask "that's it? You want me to write just Hope and Loves?"
"No."
"Not Hope and Loves. Hope loves."
Got it.
Hope loves.
It might seem like a random moment.
It might seem insignificant.
It might be a little thing.
Yet, it matters.
A reminder in the random.
Hope loves.
Yes it does, Zigity Zoo.
Yes it does.
Hope always loves. Love is always full of hope. Hand in hand the two go, along with Faith and when they abound the random and insignificant become so much more.
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!Psalm 107:1
I attempt to foster an "attitude of Gratitude" in our home all year long. I don't want my children to think that Thanksgiving is just an event, a holiday full of too much food and not enough true thankfulness.
I want them to realize that giving thanks is part of every day life.
I want them to learn to look outside of themselves and see how abundantly blessed they are in this life.
I want them to know that no matter their circumstances they have choices to make. They can choose joy. They can choose thankfulness. They can choose to give all that they are, all that they have because it is a natural manifestation of gratitude...the gratitude that comes from understanding they are loved, they are blessed, they are sought after by a God that gave all for them.
Recently, I've been reminded that this attitude, this fullness of gratitude... this pouring out as I serve and love and give... and serve and love and give some more begins with me.
Thankfulness does not spill out when I grumble through washing dishes and vacuuming the floor.
There is no hint of gratitude in the air when I lose my patience, demand my way, and bark commands in frustration.
Do I really expect my children to live a life of thankfulness and fullness of joy if it's so often absent from my own life day to day?
It's time to take the focus off of self and put it back on the One that deserves songs of Thanksgiving and shouts of Praise.
It's time to remind myself that my circumstances do not determine my attitude.
I can choose joy.
I can choose Thanksgiving.
I will choose to serve and love and pour out all that I am and all that I have because He first did it for me. ...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
I thought maybe I'm not the only one that could use the reminder to shift perspective, refocus and choose thanksgiving, so I'm going to attempt to blog a Month of Giving Thanks.
Today I'm thankful for Grace... Grace that flows down and lifts me up out of the muck and mire, the grace that swallows me whole and breathes life into me when I feel like I'm drowning. Grace upon grace flows down, flows down...
Just a mom navigating the waters of parenting, homeschooling and living with my 5 wonderfully quirky, sometimes challenging, always inspiring “little rebels”. All of which happen to have some special needs (we are currently trying to sort out).
Thanks so much for dropping by my blog! Please introduce yourself by leaving a comment or email me at mom.to.five @hotmail. com (no spaces)anytime.
