Special needs Tab

I have posted a "special needs" tab underneath the blog header so that those interested can read our "laundry list" of challenges. You can also just click here to go directly to the page.

I wanted to address it a little more fully in this post. My children are more than just a list of medical/neurological/psychological labels. I know that most of you reading this know that, but I still wanted to share a bit more and since its my blog I can do that. :-)

Many of these struggles aren't a big deal in our day to day life, but they are always there and add to the difficulties of it all. Others are there every day, but their impact varies moment to moment. We have days that are really hard to get through. We have days when we try to figure out how to bottle it for pouring out on a horrible day. We have days that are a mixture of both (the majority of our days fall into this category actually). In many ways, that isn't any different than any life.

I guess, the main difference in my mind is that the trials and challenges coexist in ways that I don't think is the case for most people. We all go through valleys and we all stand on mountaintops...most of us don't do both every day. Sometimes both can happen in the same hour even. Another difference, I think, is that often the things that cause the some tremendous difficulty for us are the "easy" and mundane things of most people's lives. Most people don't have to think about things like the impact of small changes in routine, figuring out what bathroom options are available before going on an errand, or how to convince your child to wear shoes for more than thirty seconds. It's likely that many of you reading this do not have to regularly assure a child that it's okay to sit on a chair without cleaning it or help a child struggle with fear and anxiety of fire while everyone else in the room happily sings "Happy Birthday".

At the end of both the good and the bad days, I try and step back to look at the bigger picture.

The bigger picture shows:

...my children are not a list of labels, problems, diagnoses.

...that perspective is everything and my perspective is life is good. Even when it isn't.

...that everyone has struggles. Everyone has a story. Every life has trials and triumphs.

...sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it hurts -both physically and emotionally.

...that every life is a life worth living.

...that I have a choice every day. A choice to embrace this life and its struggles or become bitter about this life and its struggles.

...that I can choose to embrace and still have days where I fumble, where I wonder why, where I'm angry, where I want to whine, pout and stomp my feet.

Even still, the bigger picture shows that God is bigger than *my* picture. He can handle my pouting, stomping feet and questions of why. He is the one that gives me the strength, self control and focus to stop, regroup and see the bigger picture.

Seeing the bigger picture means seeing the bigger God. The one that whispered my name so long ago, the God that delivered me out of a life so far from where I am today that I can hardly fathom it's part of my story. That is until I see the scars...the ones on my heart and the ones on His hands. Both the ones I deserve and the ones He bears for me.

Life is beautiful. Every detail. The good. The bad. All woven into a beautiful tapestry. When you zero in on individual fibers it often doesn't look like much. Sometimes it can look a little ugly. Frayed, faded, worn thin. When you back up, you see the beauty in all its splendor.

Nothing is more beautiful to me than the tapestry of my life. I wouldn't trade any of my kids for anything. Yes, their health issues are hard. Especially the trying to find answers part and the unending desire to fix it all. Yes, anxiety, sensory issues, autism, all of that brings difficulties that sometimes make me feel like I'm crumbling under the weight of it all.

Yet, stepping back and seeing the fibers of this life shows that some of the very things that are so hard also bring along magnificent gifts. The same struggles that sometimes lead me to asking "why?" are part of the very things that ALWAYS lead me to saying "Thank You".

Thank you, Lord for these precious children and the love, joy, delight, humor, imagination and amazement they bring into my life. Thank you for the frustrations, the struggles, the opportunities to see you work in my life, in their lives and in our family life. Thank you for the truth of your Word. That we can find our strength in Christ alone. That we can trust You will use even the hard stuff for your glory and our growth. I'm so Thankful that my children were knit together in the womb by Your creative hands. You made no mistakes. You didn't sleep on the job. They are exactly who they were created to be and you are working in their lives in every moment, every facet, in every challenge and every victory.