I hadn't planned on posting today. Life goes on and I don't want my blog to be a depressing memorial where I mark every death anniversary of every loved one I've lost. Yet, somehow it seemed necessary for me to post something today. I don't always feel that way. It's been six years since Aaron died and I think I've only "marked" the anniversary with a blog post once. Anyways, for whatever reason I needed to post today.
Not sure what to say.
It's hard.
I miss him.
I wish things were different.
They aren't.
God's plans aren't mine.
I'm thankful for the time I did have with him.
Twenty-two years wasn't near long enough, yet I'm glad we had 22yrs.
I made this photo montage and wrote this poem in 2008. It still expresses my heart now two years later and with one more niece added in the mix, so I thought I'd share it again.
To my friends, thank you for your love and support...those that walked through it with me then and those that continue to pray for me when it's hard.
To my family, I love you. I know you all miss him as well. I pray that each of you can have the peace and hope of knowing the end doesn't have to be the end if we have Christ.
How Can It Be?
Today I rejoice and today I weep,
two opposite emotions and yet both run so deep.
both fill my heart, my mind, my every breath,
I daily grapple to understand your death.
I long to see your face and feel your touch,
to hear your laughter and tell you "I love you much"
Little brother, Aaron Lee
how has it been four years since you stepped into eternity?
You sit at the throne of a Holy King,
happy, whole and no more suffering.
Yet for those of us you left behind,
well as for us, you are always on our minds.
Little brother, Aaron Lee
how has it been four years since you stepped into eternity?
I know the reason is much bigger than I can comprehend,
I know your earthly death was really not the end.
Forever you will worship the Lord Most High,
Forever you will live, never to die.
Little brother, Aaron Lee
how has it been four years since you stepped into eternity?
I remember still when I received the call,
before Kev answered, I began to bawl.
I knew the words I was soon to hear,
I knew it was the end of something I held so dear.
Little brother, Aaron Lee,
how has it been four years since you stepped into eternity?
Four years ago, I stood in your hospital room,
four years ago, there was a little one being knit in my womb.
He never met you that is true,
but four years later he daily talks of you.
He says, "Uncle Aaron, he's my guy. He has a red truck and I'm going to heaven for a ride"
Someday he will understand that if you were here, he would be your joy and pride.
I'll never forget the time you first held Jay,
I remember you couldn't wait until he was big enough to play.
I can still hear you whisper "this Uncle stuff is the best"as you pulled Rock in close to snuggle your chest.
Nieces and Nephews, now there are eleven
it is my hope that someday,they will all meet you in heaven.
Little brother, Aaron Lee,
how can it be four years since you stepped into eternity?
Right now you are a part of our daily conversation,
the day I see you again is one I look forward to with great anticipation.
How wonderful will it be my little brother Aaron Lee,
when we together Worship our Savior for all eternity.
Monday, April 19, 2010
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