Headbanz
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A day in the life of a Sensory seeker...
Well, more like a glimpse of just about 15 minutes.
I've shared before that Parker is a ball of energy and constantly seeking sensory input.
The description on his page says "He lives life going 100 miles per hour from the moment his feet hit the floor until...well I'm not sure there's a time when he doesn't move through life at top speed! Even in his sleep, he is on the move. Always an explosion of energy which is both fun and exhausting at the same time. He longs to taste, touch, smell, see, and hear everything around him."
In a nutshell, that is Parker.
We've long had a problem with him jumping on (or off of) furniture and he especially loves to do flips on the big blue couch. It's not something we want him to do, but the thrill of the flip, the thud as his body hits those heavy cushions...well, time and again, he just cannot resist.
He also has hopes to someday "be famous for my 'Parker the famous Gymnastics guy' stuff".
This poses a problem.
I'm really not sure how to get him to understand and to remember that he just cannot do flips off the piano onto the couch or from the arm of the couch or any of the other dozen scenarios he's fond of.
All of that aside, the following pictures still made me smile and I admit, even laugh.
Go ahead, judge me.
I did not take them.
I would not encourage him or confuse him by taking pictures during something he shouldn't be doing like this. Kev was out with the big 3 and I was cooking dinner. I gave my camera to Aaron and Parker and told them to have fun in the family room. I showed them how to take pictures and video and I figured it would keep them occupied for five minutes tops. The family room is right off the kitchen. I could hear them, but I couldn't see them.
Apparently, that was my first mistake.
I heard them giggling, laughing, being a little rowdy. Honestly, they were calmer than they had been before getting the camera so I let it continue while I peeled potatoes.
Apparently, that was my second mistake.
I was impressed that they were being so entertained by the camera. As I added peas to a pot, I thought "maybe I should give them the camera more often."
I did pop my head in every few minutes to see what they were doing. I never saw anything outside of them making silly faces, taking pictures of the dogs nostrils and the like. They were only alone a span of 15 minutes or so, I heard them the entire time and saw them at least 6 times in that 15 minutes. I'm pretty sure all of this happened in just a few minutes time. The door is shut in the pics and the door was only shut for about 3-4 mins, as soon as I realized it was shut, I opened it again. That door opens into the kitchen. There are many other pics of them being silly before and after these and the door is wide open.
After dinner, I sat down and uploaded the pictures to the computer. Imagine my surprise when I saw this:
(*this door is the front door, door in other pics is the one that leads to the kitchen)
I'll let you guess what he was about to do.
Then there was this:
Which in hindsight, I'm pretty sure I heard him say "bomb's away" as he launched off.
Then there was this:
This:
and finally...these:
So, there you have it. A snapshot of life with Parker and the never ending need to watch him like a hawk every second of the day. I never know what he's going to do next. I wonder if getting a trampoline would be a good thing or a bad thing, here?! I'm thinking it's not a good option.
There was a lesson here for Parker too.
That is...
The next time he wants to do something he shouldn't, it might be a wise idea to make sure a nearby sibling isn't photo documenting it.
P.S. No humans or animals were hurt in the documentation of this event. While it seems a bit dangerous, it's no more so than if he was on a trampoline. When dad reminded him it wasn't something he should do, he replied with "I had cushions. I was safe."
Surely, cushions are safer than a trampoline. ;-)
I've shared before that Parker is a ball of energy and constantly seeking sensory input.
The description on his page says "He lives life going 100 miles per hour from the moment his feet hit the floor until...well I'm not sure there's a time when he doesn't move through life at top speed! Even in his sleep, he is on the move. Always an explosion of energy which is both fun and exhausting at the same time. He longs to taste, touch, smell, see, and hear everything around him."
In a nutshell, that is Parker.
We've long had a problem with him jumping on (or off of) furniture and he especially loves to do flips on the big blue couch. It's not something we want him to do, but the thrill of the flip, the thud as his body hits those heavy cushions...well, time and again, he just cannot resist.
He also has hopes to someday "be famous for my 'Parker the famous Gymnastics guy' stuff".
This poses a problem.
I'm really not sure how to get him to understand and to remember that he just cannot do flips off the piano onto the couch or from the arm of the couch or any of the other dozen scenarios he's fond of.
All of that aside, the following pictures still made me smile and I admit, even laugh.
Go ahead, judge me.
I did not take them.
I would not encourage him or confuse him by taking pictures during something he shouldn't be doing like this. Kev was out with the big 3 and I was cooking dinner. I gave my camera to Aaron and Parker and told them to have fun in the family room. I showed them how to take pictures and video and I figured it would keep them occupied for five minutes tops. The family room is right off the kitchen. I could hear them, but I couldn't see them.
Apparently, that was my first mistake.
I heard them giggling, laughing, being a little rowdy. Honestly, they were calmer than they had been before getting the camera so I let it continue while I peeled potatoes.
Apparently, that was my second mistake.
I was impressed that they were being so entertained by the camera. As I added peas to a pot, I thought "maybe I should give them the camera more often."
I did pop my head in every few minutes to see what they were doing. I never saw anything outside of them making silly faces, taking pictures of the dogs nostrils and the like. They were only alone a span of 15 minutes or so, I heard them the entire time and saw them at least 6 times in that 15 minutes. I'm pretty sure all of this happened in just a few minutes time. The door is shut in the pics and the door was only shut for about 3-4 mins, as soon as I realized it was shut, I opened it again. That door opens into the kitchen. There are many other pics of them being silly before and after these and the door is wide open.
After dinner, I sat down and uploaded the pictures to the computer. Imagine my surprise when I saw this:
(*this door is the front door, door in other pics is the one that leads to the kitchen)
I'll let you guess what he was about to do.
Then there was this:
Which in hindsight, I'm pretty sure I heard him say "bomb's away" as he launched off.
Then there was this:
This:
and finally...these:
So, there you have it. A snapshot of life with Parker and the never ending need to watch him like a hawk every second of the day. I never know what he's going to do next. I wonder if getting a trampoline would be a good thing or a bad thing, here?! I'm thinking it's not a good option.
There was a lesson here for Parker too.
That is...
The next time he wants to do something he shouldn't, it might be a wise idea to make sure a nearby sibling isn't photo documenting it.
P.S. No humans or animals were hurt in the documentation of this event. While it seems a bit dangerous, it's no more so than if he was on a trampoline. When dad reminded him it wasn't something he should do, he replied with "I had cushions. I was safe."
Surely, cushions are safer than a trampoline. ;-)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Jerald's Yarn
Before we begin, I'll share with you what my trusty dictionary has to say about yarn:
Yarn [yahrn]-
noun
Today, I'd like to share Jerald's Yarn. You cannot have his green or camo yarn he's been knitting into Christmas gifts, sorry you'll have to go buy your own.
However, he does have a yarn to share with you fitting the fourth definition above, but also directly related to the first. This is not a story of adventure or incredible happenings in a Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn sort of way.
However, It is most definately a story of adventure or incredible happenings in a Jerald sort of way. Huck and Tom got nuthin' on my boy!
I orginally started this post several weeks ago, but daily life and other blog posts have gotten in the way and I haven't yet completed it.
Yesterday, Jerald decided he wanted to share his story on his own blog. We spent a bit of time tonight going over it. I helped him a little with editing, clarifying, but mostly it is his story in his own words. He actually edited out some of my "help". :-)
Rather than finish this post with my own thoughts on the matter, I am going to point you to his blog. First, I do just want to say: Please keep in mind that this is about much more than knitting. Motor skills have proved to be a challenge for Jerald over the years. The frustration that came with understanding a concept, but not being able to get his fingers to comply was hard. The past 6-8 months have seen much progress in this area for him. Getting to the point that he can reach his dream of knitting is really just a small part of a bigger picture.
His story doesn't belong to me, so I'll stop here.
There is no better way to capture his excitement or the hugeness of his accomplishment than to read it from his perspective.
Please take a few minutes, hop to his blog by clicking here and enjoy his story about never giving up!
(I'm sure he'd be THRILLED if you left a comment for him too. **just as a sidenote, if you try to comment and it doesn't seem to work it's probably fine. I moderate all of his comments so they first come to my email and wait for approval before going on his blog. It confuses some people, but it's just a way for me to keep him safe from the garbage that people sometimes post)
Yarn [yahrn]-
noun
1. thread made of natural or synthetic fibers and used for knitting and weaving.
2. a continuous strand or thread made from glass, metal, plastic, etc.
3. the thread, in the form of a loosely twisted aggregate of fibers, as of hemp, of which rope is
made (rope yarn).
4. a tale, especially a long story of adventure or incredible happenings: He spun a yarn that outdid any I had ever heard.made (rope yarn).
Today, I'd like to share Jerald's Yarn. You cannot have his green or camo yarn he's been knitting into Christmas gifts, sorry you'll have to go buy your own.
However, he does have a yarn to share with you fitting the fourth definition above, but also directly related to the first. This is not a story of adventure or incredible happenings in a Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn sort of way.
However, It is most definately a story of adventure or incredible happenings in a Jerald sort of way. Huck and Tom got nuthin' on my boy!
I orginally started this post several weeks ago, but daily life and other blog posts have gotten in the way and I haven't yet completed it.
Yesterday, Jerald decided he wanted to share his story on his own blog. We spent a bit of time tonight going over it. I helped him a little with editing, clarifying, but mostly it is his story in his own words. He actually edited out some of my "help". :-)
Rather than finish this post with my own thoughts on the matter, I am going to point you to his blog. First, I do just want to say: Please keep in mind that this is about much more than knitting. Motor skills have proved to be a challenge for Jerald over the years. The frustration that came with understanding a concept, but not being able to get his fingers to comply was hard. The past 6-8 months have seen much progress in this area for him. Getting to the point that he can reach his dream of knitting is really just a small part of a bigger picture.
His story doesn't belong to me, so I'll stop here.
There is no better way to capture his excitement or the hugeness of his accomplishment than to read it from his perspective.
Please take a few minutes, hop to his blog by clicking here and enjoy his story about never giving up!
(I'm sure he'd be THRILLED if you left a comment for him too. **just as a sidenote, if you try to comment and it doesn't seem to work it's probably fine. I moderate all of his comments so they first come to my email and wait for approval before going on his blog. It confuses some people, but it's just a way for me to keep him safe from the garbage that people sometimes post)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thankful Thursday
I'm thankful for...
11. hard moments, they stretch me to look for the good that's always there if I look hard enough.
12. Snow. No, really, I'm thankful for it. I prefer to stay indoors. I'm not a fan of the cold or of the gazillion layers needed to stay warm. I really dislike the mess and extra work that comes with dirty snow clothes and kids coming in wet. However, the joy it brings to my Jay makes it so worth it. He LOVES the snow. I am thankful for how his delight reminds me to appreciate the beauty in ALL seasons...those of nature and those of my life.
13. Headphones. It has changed my life the past month to be able to stop amidst difficult moments and listen to a song or two (while A) drowning out the cacophony of that resides in my home and B) not adding to my boys sensory troubles playing music they don't tolerate well). I'm able to regroup, refocus and handle stress much better.
14. The kindness and encouragement of others. A sweet card in the mail, an encouraging email, a text at just the right moment.
15. For photographs that make me smile, like this one...
11. hard moments, they stretch me to look for the good that's always there if I look hard enough.
12. Snow. No, really, I'm thankful for it. I prefer to stay indoors. I'm not a fan of the cold or of the gazillion layers needed to stay warm. I really dislike the mess and extra work that comes with dirty snow clothes and kids coming in wet. However, the joy it brings to my Jay makes it so worth it. He LOVES the snow. I am thankful for how his delight reminds me to appreciate the beauty in ALL seasons...those of nature and those of my life.
13. Headphones. It has changed my life the past month to be able to stop amidst difficult moments and listen to a song or two (while A) drowning out the cacophony of that resides in my home and B) not adding to my boys sensory troubles playing music they don't tolerate well). I'm able to regroup, refocus and handle stress much better.
14. The kindness and encouragement of others. A sweet card in the mail, an encouraging email, a text at just the right moment.
15. For photographs that make me smile, like this one...
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Thankful Thursday...
Today I'm thankful for...
1. A husband that is patient, kind, brilliant and loves me enough to challenge, confront and nudge me when needed. Truly my best friend.
2. Mornings that start with laughter, even if ten minutes later I'm playing referee and judge amidst sibling squabbles.
3. Music that strengthens me and helps me focus.
4. A BFF that emails me to encourage me in the wee hours of the morning despite the fact she's busy with a newborn and 7 other children.
5. Bacon...especially when I didn't have to cook it.
6. Being asked yet again to play a "find and seek" game created by a child that has grown so much these past few years. There was a time we wondered if he'd ever talk or if he'd ever be out of his "own little world". I will play these games with him a million times a day if he asks me to and never take it for granted.
7. A son that goes to the library and comes home with "a book that I thought you'd wanna read"...this time that happens to be Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson.
8. A daughter that says "do you think I could start making a dinner menu and cooking dinner sometimes?"
9. A son that so adores his daddy that he wants to wear his uniforms and go to work with him as often as possible.
10. Picking up my phone and seeing silly pictures taken by a silly 5yr old. I just heard the clicking of my phone camera and his laughter. I turned to see what he was doing and he's taking pictures of the bottom of my shoes. I'm thankful for pictures that give me a glimpse of his perspective on life and that bring him joy.
Happy Thursday, friends! I hope it's a day of finding joy in the little moments and simple things...
like hotwheels all in a row. ;-)
1. A husband that is patient, kind, brilliant and loves me enough to challenge, confront and nudge me when needed. Truly my best friend.
2. Mornings that start with laughter, even if ten minutes later I'm playing referee and judge amidst sibling squabbles.
3. Music that strengthens me and helps me focus.
4. A BFF that emails me to encourage me in the wee hours of the morning despite the fact she's busy with a newborn and 7 other children.
5. Bacon...especially when I didn't have to cook it.
6. Being asked yet again to play a "find and seek" game created by a child that has grown so much these past few years. There was a time we wondered if he'd ever talk or if he'd ever be out of his "own little world". I will play these games with him a million times a day if he asks me to and never take it for granted.
7. A son that goes to the library and comes home with "a book that I thought you'd wanna read"...this time that happens to be Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson.
8. A daughter that says "do you think I could start making a dinner menu and cooking dinner sometimes?"
9. A son that so adores his daddy that he wants to wear his uniforms and go to work with him as often as possible.
10. Picking up my phone and seeing silly pictures taken by a silly 5yr old. I just heard the clicking of my phone camera and his laughter. I turned to see what he was doing and he's taking pictures of the bottom of my shoes. I'm thankful for pictures that give me a glimpse of his perspective on life and that bring him joy.
Happy Thursday, friends! I hope it's a day of finding joy in the little moments and simple things...
like hotwheels all in a row. ;-)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
From Our Home to Yours...
Merry Christmas! I hope it's been a day full of great blessing, abundant joy, and quiet moments of reflection.
A few weeks ago, our senior pastor asked Jerald if he might be willing to do a solo during this morning's service. He chose a song called "Here With Us" and if I can have a tiny moment of mama bragging, he did a splendid job!
The quality of the video does not do it justice, but I thought I'd share anyway:
Here With Us
It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky
Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us
Verse 2
It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep
Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
Here with us
You're here with us
(Ohh, mmm, here with us)
Bridge
Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man
Chorus (2x)
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
You're here with us
You're here with us
A few weeks ago, our senior pastor asked Jerald if he might be willing to do a solo during this morning's service. He chose a song called "Here With Us" and if I can have a tiny moment of mama bragging, he did a splendid job!
The quality of the video does not do it justice, but I thought I'd share anyway:
Here With Us
It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky
Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us
Verse 2
It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep
Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
Here with us
You're here with us
(Ohh, mmm, here with us)
Bridge
Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man
Chorus (2x)
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
You're here with us
You're here with us
Saturday, December 24, 2011
More of the best Christmas gifts ever...
Earlier in the month I posted about my favorite Christmas gift this year. Tonight, I'm back to share more favorites.
It is tradition in our family that I give new pajamas to everyone on Christmas eve. It is one of the very few good Christmas memories I have from my early childhood. So, I always enjoy picking out new jammies and sort of surprising everyone. They expect pajamas, but never know just what I'm going to find for them.
Tonight, the children asked if they could at the same time give out the gifts they've been working hard to make the past few weeks. Since we have a really busy day tomorrow we decided that was a fine idea. I've been helping them and thought I knew everything they had been working on.
I was wrong.
Jerald is working on something, but didn't quite get it finished so I'll have to wait a little longer on that one.
However, Rock and Mag both presented me with gifts that definitely go into the "my favorite things category".
Rocklin gave me a collection of his drawings...all of them military aircraft. Here's the first one:
He also painted his first portrait ever for Kev. It's a portrait of Thomas Jefferson.
Magdalyn is one of the most thoughtful kids I know. She almost always thinks of others before herself. Much of the time the "others" that she thinks of are her brothers. She bakes several times a week and rarely picks her own favorites, choosing instead to bake things her brothers love to eat. She loves them deeply. She sticks up for them fiercely. She understands them when others don't and she accepts them even when she doesn't "get" them.
So, it shouldn't surprise me that her gift to me was made with a couple of her brothers in mind.
Yet it does indeed surprise me. It's not something I ever expected.
A priceless gift that means more to me than you'd ever know by seeing it.
It means more than I could ever express in a few words on this blog.
I have a feeling there are a few readers out there that will understand completely.
A blue Autism awareness pin.
I think this just might be one of the few Christmas gifts that have caused words to escape me and tears to blind me.
It is tradition in our family that I give new pajamas to everyone on Christmas eve. It is one of the very few good Christmas memories I have from my early childhood. So, I always enjoy picking out new jammies and sort of surprising everyone. They expect pajamas, but never know just what I'm going to find for them.
Tonight, the children asked if they could at the same time give out the gifts they've been working hard to make the past few weeks. Since we have a really busy day tomorrow we decided that was a fine idea. I've been helping them and thought I knew everything they had been working on.
I was wrong.
Jerald is working on something, but didn't quite get it finished so I'll have to wait a little longer on that one.
However, Rock and Mag both presented me with gifts that definitely go into the "my favorite things category".
Rocklin gave me a collection of his drawings...all of them military aircraft. Here's the first one:
He also painted his first portrait ever for Kev. It's a portrait of Thomas Jefferson.
Magdalyn is one of the most thoughtful kids I know. She almost always thinks of others before herself. Much of the time the "others" that she thinks of are her brothers. She bakes several times a week and rarely picks her own favorites, choosing instead to bake things her brothers love to eat. She loves them deeply. She sticks up for them fiercely. She understands them when others don't and she accepts them even when she doesn't "get" them.
So, it shouldn't surprise me that her gift to me was made with a couple of her brothers in mind.
Yet it does indeed surprise me. It's not something I ever expected.
A priceless gift that means more to me than you'd ever know by seeing it.
It means more than I could ever express in a few words on this blog.
I have a feeling there are a few readers out there that will understand completely.
A blue Autism awareness pin.
I think this just might be one of the few Christmas gifts that have caused words to escape me and tears to blind me.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: Merry Christmas
(and congrats to my hubby on the start of his new business...Providence Mechanical)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Saturday Snapshot
Rocklin's football banquet was tonight. He doesn't play for the tangible reward, but that smile sure does look like he's happy to have received both a trophy and a medal.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
My favorite Christmas gift this year
Parker went to my stash of gift boxes, found one that was just the right size and presented me with a gift.
The gift itself is a drawing...
and he also showed me his mad scissor skills by cutting another drawing into strips and including it too.
What he doesn't realize is there was another gift.
A gift that makes just about anything else I can think of pale in comparison this year.
On his own, no help with the spelling and no help with the writing, he labeled the gift box.
This boy that sometimes (oftentimes) struggles to sit still long enough to write anything...
This boy that many times writes the first letter or two of his own name and then says he's tired and wants to come back to write the rest later...
This boy that does his math with spin breaks in between each problem...
This boy that cannot always get his fingers (or the rest of his body) to do what his brain wants it to do...
This boy that cannot yet read and has only ever written his own name without help...
wrote my name in sharpie on a gift box while I switched laundry.
He couldn't have said "I love you" or "Merry Christmas" in any better way.
The gift itself is a drawing...
and he also showed me his mad scissor skills by cutting another drawing into strips and including it too.
What he doesn't realize is there was another gift.
A gift that makes just about anything else I can think of pale in comparison this year.
On his own, no help with the spelling and no help with the writing, he labeled the gift box.
This boy that sometimes (oftentimes) struggles to sit still long enough to write anything...
This boy that many times writes the first letter or two of his own name and then says he's tired and wants to come back to write the rest later...
This boy that does his math with spin breaks in between each problem...
This boy that cannot always get his fingers (or the rest of his body) to do what his brain wants it to do...
This boy that cannot yet read and has only ever written his own name without help...
wrote my name in sharpie on a gift box while I switched laundry.
He couldn't have said "I love you" or "Merry Christmas" in any better way.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
When Autism walks the halls
Wednesday 2:34am.
I am Sleeping soundly.
I am startled when the silence of the night is shattered by a small voice.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up. Is it Christmas yet?"
So starts my day.
This sweet boy, the one that generally sleeps well is awake with no sign of going back to sleep.
It is pretty widely known that many children on the autism spectrum have difficulty with sleep. Such has been our experience with Jerald. (and Parker, though he does not have an autism spectrum diagnosis)
However, Aaron has been in the small group where a good nights sleep is appreciated.
Most nights his sleep schedule is like clockwork. He's ready for bed at 8pm, though it's often closer to 9 before he's tucked in and he's out in minutes. Sometimes,in mere seconds with the light still on and brothers wrestling around we can hear his soft snoring. He sleeps soundly all night and promptly wakes and starts his day between 6 and 7am.
On occasion there is a disruption, a shift in this schedule.
Those nights when Autism, anxiety, OCD and sensory issues shout from the rooftop that they are alive and well in our house. Together, they walk the halls attempting to disrupt the entire balance of our home.
Those nights when I must play detective to decipher what's going on.
Surely, a shift like this doesn't just happen. There is always a root.
Something bubbling under the surface, exacerbating issues that are always there, but often more subtle.
Sometimes the root really is anxiety.
Something has changed
or
Something is coming
or
a bad dream triggers an onslaught of obsession that he just cannot reign in and manage.
Sometimes its an indication that an illness is coming.
Sometimes for whatever reason he just needs more of mommy and less of sleep.
Rarely is he able to understand this himself, let alone explain it to me.
That leaves me standing in my pajamas, in the dark, hunting through the closet for my detective hat.
I have never wanted to be a detective.
I'm not given a choice.
As he chatters for hours about Christmas, asking at least a dozen times "is it Christmas yet?", I suspect that's not why he's really awake. At least, that's not all of it.
He snuggles, but not too close because "it feels weird."
He shares my pillow until he decides my breath is "hot and smelly" so he flips himself around.
Now, his feet touch my pillow. He apologizes for getting my pillow germy.
I say, just be careful because I don't want to get kicked in the nose.
He says "getting kicked in the nose is not as bad as getting germs on your pillow."
Another piece of my heart chips off.
A seven year old shouldn't be so concerned about germs. Especially in the wee hours of the morning.
He tosses out comfortable and scripted words:
"He flew into my food, fancy that" (from a Cat in the Hat episode)
"or purple like a, like a, like some weird guy" (from Gnomeo and Juliet)
Half a dozen others that I'm fairly sure are all from Backyardigans episodes.
The clock ticks.
Time fades.
Shades of night turn to the light of day.
Eventually, I give up and toss the detective hat. In the end, it doesn't matter why he's awake as much as it matters that I listen to him, snuggle with him and prepare to help him navigate the day.
See, not only is our night completely disrupted, but now our day will be as well.
Tired, schedule disrupted, anxiety on high are all ingredients for a rough day.
I must shift gears.
No longer am I a detective deciphering what's going on. No, now I must grab my rescue gear. I must be prepared to control damage, to watch for pitfalls in the day and avoid things that could lead us down the rabbit trail of meltdowns and more anxiety. He's on high alert and so I too must be on high alert.
It's a long day. It has rough patches. Even a couple of meltdowns, but he's able to recover fairly quickly from all but one of them.
In the end, we are able to make it to the Christmas caroling and tree lighting event we'd been planning on. The day was not as disastrous as I anticipated and I'm thankful.
We arrive home, he doesn't even change into pajamas. He collapses into his bed- clothes on, shoes on, bedroom light on and he's out-it's 9pm exactly.
Thursday 2:28am (even his sleep disruption schedule is like clockwork apparently)
I am Sleeping soundly.
I am startled when the silence of the night is shattered by a small voice.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up. I think maybe that hornet stinger is still in my ear."
I'm confused and ask him to repeat 2 or 3 more times before I'm awake enough to process what he's saying.
This summer, he experienced a hornet sting on his earlobe, that must be what he's talking about. I tell him that happened a long time ago and that he must have just had a bad dream. He finds a spot to snuggle in close, but sleep never comes.
It's a repeat of the night before. Except this time the anxiety is worse, the obsessions are more consuming and the tears are flowing much more freely.
He cannot let go of the idea that the hornet stinger must still be in his ear. I stumble into the bathroom and try to assure him there is no stinger as my eyes adjust to the light. I scratch the area he's pointing to and tell him if it was there, it's gone now. We go to the kitchen for a drink and I rub ice on his ear for a few minutes.
As night fades to morning, we will have repeated the above scenario multiple times. At some point I fall asleep and he wakes me to say "I'm going back to my own bed because you are touching me and I don't want to be touched."
Yet, he really needs his mommy so he comes back every 5-10 mins to ask about the stinger, to tell me he loves me or just to say "are you awake?"
At 6am he heads to the bathroom. A few minutes later he screams for me and I'm not sure my feet even hit the floor before I'm there next to him. He feels like he's going to vomit. Anxiety starts to rise even higher, if that's even possible, because he really really really dislikes vomiting. I try to calm him down. I know that he will vomit if for no other reason than the anxiety if I can't talk him down from the ledge.
Eventually I get him back to my bed with a bucket "just in case" and we start the stinger in my ear scenario all over again.
I've asked him several times if his ear hurts and he says no. He claims it doesn't hurt inside and the outside just feels weird from the stinger. As the morning wears on, he tells me that his ear feels weird and that he's hearing weirdish things. He's exhausted, he's crying and now he's decided since I can't fix it maybe Dr. W our pediatrician can "use his clapper thingy just to see if I can hear".
What's been bubbling under the surface has now spilled over. He's not feeling well and that's causing everything else to ramp up.
I call to see if we can get an appointment.
It's an awkward conversation.
The nurse asks why he needs to be seen. I say, "I'm not really sure. He's been up all night worried about a hornet stinger in his ear and I'm guessing maybe he actually has an ear infection. I really don't know."
I can see her shrug through the phone line, but in the end we have an appointment in a couple of hours. Hopeful that either he does have an infection we can treat or that Dr. W will have the magic words to assure him that all is fine and we can stop worrying about the hornet sting from months ago.
So it goes, this life of mine, this balancing act of wearing so many hats...mom, teacher, detective, nurse and so many others.
In our family Autism is often invisible, but it's never gone.
It roams the halls at night and it jumps on the scale all day trying to upset the balance of our life. Sometimes it succeeds and life is hard. Always we get through it and keep going. Autism might disrupt, but it doesn't destroy. It digs some pretty big potholes in the road, but there's always a way to stay on the road. Perspective is everything, even in the midst of the difficulty, there are always gifts and joy to be found.
***Update*** Aaron does in fact have an ear infection. He slept well last night, mostly due to fever and exhaustion. This morning he says his ear still feels "weirdish the same like yesterday", but his fever is gone.
I am Sleeping soundly.
I am startled when the silence of the night is shattered by a small voice.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up. Is it Christmas yet?"
So starts my day.
This sweet boy, the one that generally sleeps well is awake with no sign of going back to sleep.
It is pretty widely known that many children on the autism spectrum have difficulty with sleep. Such has been our experience with Jerald. (and Parker, though he does not have an autism spectrum diagnosis)
However, Aaron has been in the small group where a good nights sleep is appreciated.
Most nights his sleep schedule is like clockwork. He's ready for bed at 8pm, though it's often closer to 9 before he's tucked in and he's out in minutes. Sometimes,in mere seconds with the light still on and brothers wrestling around we can hear his soft snoring. He sleeps soundly all night and promptly wakes and starts his day between 6 and 7am.
On occasion there is a disruption, a shift in this schedule.
Those nights when Autism, anxiety, OCD and sensory issues shout from the rooftop that they are alive and well in our house. Together, they walk the halls attempting to disrupt the entire balance of our home.
Those nights when I must play detective to decipher what's going on.
Surely, a shift like this doesn't just happen. There is always a root.
Something bubbling under the surface, exacerbating issues that are always there, but often more subtle.
Sometimes the root really is anxiety.
Something has changed
or
Something is coming
or
a bad dream triggers an onslaught of obsession that he just cannot reign in and manage.
Sometimes its an indication that an illness is coming.
Sometimes for whatever reason he just needs more of mommy and less of sleep.
Rarely is he able to understand this himself, let alone explain it to me.
That leaves me standing in my pajamas, in the dark, hunting through the closet for my detective hat.
I have never wanted to be a detective.
I'm not given a choice.
As he chatters for hours about Christmas, asking at least a dozen times "is it Christmas yet?", I suspect that's not why he's really awake. At least, that's not all of it.
He snuggles, but not too close because "it feels weird."
He shares my pillow until he decides my breath is "hot and smelly" so he flips himself around.
Now, his feet touch my pillow. He apologizes for getting my pillow germy.
I say, just be careful because I don't want to get kicked in the nose.
He says "getting kicked in the nose is not as bad as getting germs on your pillow."
Another piece of my heart chips off.
A seven year old shouldn't be so concerned about germs. Especially in the wee hours of the morning.
He tosses out comfortable and scripted words:
"He flew into my food, fancy that" (from a Cat in the Hat episode)
"or purple like a, like a, like some weird guy" (from Gnomeo and Juliet)
Half a dozen others that I'm fairly sure are all from Backyardigans episodes.
The clock ticks.
Time fades.
Shades of night turn to the light of day.
Eventually, I give up and toss the detective hat. In the end, it doesn't matter why he's awake as much as it matters that I listen to him, snuggle with him and prepare to help him navigate the day.
See, not only is our night completely disrupted, but now our day will be as well.
Tired, schedule disrupted, anxiety on high are all ingredients for a rough day.
I must shift gears.
No longer am I a detective deciphering what's going on. No, now I must grab my rescue gear. I must be prepared to control damage, to watch for pitfalls in the day and avoid things that could lead us down the rabbit trail of meltdowns and more anxiety. He's on high alert and so I too must be on high alert.
It's a long day. It has rough patches. Even a couple of meltdowns, but he's able to recover fairly quickly from all but one of them.
In the end, we are able to make it to the Christmas caroling and tree lighting event we'd been planning on. The day was not as disastrous as I anticipated and I'm thankful.
We arrive home, he doesn't even change into pajamas. He collapses into his bed- clothes on, shoes on, bedroom light on and he's out-it's 9pm exactly.
Thursday 2:28am (even his sleep disruption schedule is like clockwork apparently)
I am Sleeping soundly.
I am startled when the silence of the night is shattered by a small voice.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up. I think maybe that hornet stinger is still in my ear."
I'm confused and ask him to repeat 2 or 3 more times before I'm awake enough to process what he's saying.
This summer, he experienced a hornet sting on his earlobe, that must be what he's talking about. I tell him that happened a long time ago and that he must have just had a bad dream. He finds a spot to snuggle in close, but sleep never comes.
It's a repeat of the night before. Except this time the anxiety is worse, the obsessions are more consuming and the tears are flowing much more freely.
He cannot let go of the idea that the hornet stinger must still be in his ear. I stumble into the bathroom and try to assure him there is no stinger as my eyes adjust to the light. I scratch the area he's pointing to and tell him if it was there, it's gone now. We go to the kitchen for a drink and I rub ice on his ear for a few minutes.
As night fades to morning, we will have repeated the above scenario multiple times. At some point I fall asleep and he wakes me to say "I'm going back to my own bed because you are touching me and I don't want to be touched."
Yet, he really needs his mommy so he comes back every 5-10 mins to ask about the stinger, to tell me he loves me or just to say "are you awake?"
At 6am he heads to the bathroom. A few minutes later he screams for me and I'm not sure my feet even hit the floor before I'm there next to him. He feels like he's going to vomit. Anxiety starts to rise even higher, if that's even possible, because he really really really dislikes vomiting. I try to calm him down. I know that he will vomit if for no other reason than the anxiety if I can't talk him down from the ledge.
Eventually I get him back to my bed with a bucket "just in case" and we start the stinger in my ear scenario all over again.
I've asked him several times if his ear hurts and he says no. He claims it doesn't hurt inside and the outside just feels weird from the stinger. As the morning wears on, he tells me that his ear feels weird and that he's hearing weirdish things. He's exhausted, he's crying and now he's decided since I can't fix it maybe Dr. W our pediatrician can "use his clapper thingy just to see if I can hear".
What's been bubbling under the surface has now spilled over. He's not feeling well and that's causing everything else to ramp up.
I call to see if we can get an appointment.
It's an awkward conversation.
The nurse asks why he needs to be seen. I say, "I'm not really sure. He's been up all night worried about a hornet stinger in his ear and I'm guessing maybe he actually has an ear infection. I really don't know."
I can see her shrug through the phone line, but in the end we have an appointment in a couple of hours. Hopeful that either he does have an infection we can treat or that Dr. W will have the magic words to assure him that all is fine and we can stop worrying about the hornet sting from months ago.
So it goes, this life of mine, this balancing act of wearing so many hats...mom, teacher, detective, nurse and so many others.
In our family Autism is often invisible, but it's never gone.
It roams the halls at night and it jumps on the scale all day trying to upset the balance of our life. Sometimes it succeeds and life is hard. Always we get through it and keep going. Autism might disrupt, but it doesn't destroy. It digs some pretty big potholes in the road, but there's always a way to stay on the road. Perspective is everything, even in the midst of the difficulty, there are always gifts and joy to be found.
***Update*** Aaron does in fact have an ear infection. He slept well last night, mostly due to fever and exhaustion. This morning he says his ear still feels "weirdish the same like yesterday", but his fever is gone.
Monday, November 28, 2011
A Month of Giving Thanks: The Finale
Food, fun and football were in abundance this year. However, I wasn't in charge of the camera this time around. Someone *cough, Nana, cough* was having too much fun that she kept forgetting to take pictures. I snapped a few:
Nana did manage to get this one. It was take 12 of hmm, a lot more than 12. She was trying for the perfect shot, I say this is close enough. Oh and we didn't sneak a sixth kid into the crew, the adorable guy in the middle is my nephew. :-)
As I close this month of giving thanks, one thought keeps going through my mind.
How could I ask for more?
I've already said a hundred times in a dozen ways that I'm blessed beyond measure, that this life is not what I thought I wanted, but it's so much more than I could ever dream.
It's not perfect.
There are surely things I'd love to change, trials I'd love to not go through.
Maybe.
Those things have shaped who I am, so maybe I'd not change them after all.
There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
Holding Daddy's hand
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way
So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more
How Could I Ask For More- Cindy Morgan
Nana did manage to get this one. It was take 12 of hmm, a lot more than 12. She was trying for the perfect shot, I say this is close enough. Oh and we didn't sneak a sixth kid into the crew, the adorable guy in the middle is my nephew. :-)
As I close this month of giving thanks, one thought keeps going through my mind.
How could I ask for more?
I've already said a hundred times in a dozen ways that I'm blessed beyond measure, that this life is not what I thought I wanted, but it's so much more than I could ever dream.
It's not perfect.
There are surely things I'd love to change, trials I'd love to not go through.
Maybe.
Those things have shaped who I am, so maybe I'd not change them after all.
There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
Holding Daddy's hand
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way
So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more
How Could I Ask For More- Cindy Morgan
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A Month of Giving Thanks: a year later
Last year, I wrote the following post:
Giving Thanks
...for ten dirty feet that never seem to stop.
...for fifty little (and not so little) fingers that smudge the windows, find their way in cake batter and cookie dough, wipe my tears and tickle my tummy.
...for a husband that loves me unconditionally, no matter how unloving I can be at times.
...for home. It's not the house of my dreams, but the home within the house is greater than anything I've ever dreamed.
...for friends. The ones in real life and the ones that "live" in my computer. The friends that love me for who I am. The friends that know little about me, but are always there to listen and encourage in areas where we have a connection. The friends that I've known for years and the ones that I'm just getting to know.
...for health struggles and how God uses them in our lives to mold us, refine us and use us for His Glory.
...for giggles and belly laughs...especially when they appear for no reason.
...for hot showers...even if they are often interrupted.
...for warm sweaters and funky socks.
...for mint tea and kids that don't mind sharing their favorite mugs.
...for a husband that works a lot and still comes home and jumps right in where needed.
...for nose-rubbies and bear-hugs
...for Thanksgiving dinners past, a house full of loved ones all gone now. The memories with us forever.
...for Thanksgiving traditions...making butter, kids providing entertainment with song and dance, homemade cranberry sauce.
...for new opportunities and challenges
Most of all for a God that loves me more than I will ever begin to understand. That he came to me in the depths of despair, drew me to Himself,made this broken mess into His child is something that I will forever stand in amazement and gratitude.
How deep the Father's Love for me...
Thank you, Jesus...for this...for your Life poured out for mine...for me, this wayward, mess to find the way...for life more abundantly than I ever knew possible...for love that takes my breath away...
every time he kisses me,
every time they say "I love you, mommy",
every time I read your Word.
This year, I'll add I'm thankful
...for Koala hugs and bedtime stories
...for a husband that never stops trying to understand his children and lovingly, patiently, tenderly guides them through some tough situations.
...for the sound of the piano. It's old, out of tune and played by children with no formal lessons. Yet, it's beautiful to me.
...for a paper hand-print turkey taped to my computer monitor. May it always remind me to be thankful and to cherish the small things, more importantly, the small people in my life.
...for milestones, big and small. Those that are on time and those that have taken years to reach.
...for daily reminders to not take simple things for granted.
...for a girl that loves to bake and help in the kitchen and how she's becoming my right hand.
...for friends for my children. Thankful that they are eachother's best friends first, but that they are beginning to develop special friendships with others too.
...for grandparents that love my children even when they don't understand them.
...for boys that never give up. They are the greatest examples of perseverance and determination in my life. They inspire me, challenge me and never cease to amaze me.
...for the funny stuff that comes from the mouths of babes. It would be a full time job to try and record it all.
...for so much more than I could ever write in one blog post.
...for this life. This beautiful, messy, roller coaster ride of a life.
Every breath.
Every moment.
Every cuddle.
Every kiss.
Every tear.
Every time I feel like my heart can't possibly break anymore.
Every time that I feel inexpressible joy.
Every mountain.
Every valley.
All of it-a precious Gift
and I am once again, on my knees,
full of gratitude.
Giving Thanks
...for ten dirty feet that never seem to stop.
...for fifty little (and not so little) fingers that smudge the windows, find their way in cake batter and cookie dough, wipe my tears and tickle my tummy.
...for a husband that loves me unconditionally, no matter how unloving I can be at times.
...for home. It's not the house of my dreams, but the home within the house is greater than anything I've ever dreamed.
...for friends. The ones in real life and the ones that "live" in my computer. The friends that love me for who I am. The friends that know little about me, but are always there to listen and encourage in areas where we have a connection. The friends that I've known for years and the ones that I'm just getting to know.
...for health struggles and how God uses them in our lives to mold us, refine us and use us for His Glory.
...for giggles and belly laughs...especially when they appear for no reason.
...for hot showers...even if they are often interrupted.
...for warm sweaters and funky socks.
...for mint tea and kids that don't mind sharing their favorite mugs.
...for a husband that works a lot and still comes home and jumps right in where needed.
...for nose-rubbies and bear-hugs
...for Thanksgiving dinners past, a house full of loved ones all gone now. The memories with us forever.
...for Thanksgiving traditions...making butter, kids providing entertainment with song and dance, homemade cranberry sauce.
...for new opportunities and challenges
Most of all for a God that loves me more than I will ever begin to understand. That he came to me in the depths of despair, drew me to Himself,made this broken mess into His child is something that I will forever stand in amazement and gratitude.
How deep the Father's Love for me...
Thank you, Jesus...for this...for your Life poured out for mine...for me, this wayward, mess to find the way...for life more abundantly than I ever knew possible...for love that takes my breath away...
every time he kisses me,
every time they say "I love you, mommy",
every time I read your Word.
This year, I'll add I'm thankful
...for Koala hugs and bedtime stories
...for a husband that never stops trying to understand his children and lovingly, patiently, tenderly guides them through some tough situations.
...for the sound of the piano. It's old, out of tune and played by children with no formal lessons. Yet, it's beautiful to me.
...for a paper hand-print turkey taped to my computer monitor. May it always remind me to be thankful and to cherish the small things, more importantly, the small people in my life.
...for milestones, big and small. Those that are on time and those that have taken years to reach.
...for daily reminders to not take simple things for granted.
...for a girl that loves to bake and help in the kitchen and how she's becoming my right hand.
...for friends for my children. Thankful that they are eachother's best friends first, but that they are beginning to develop special friendships with others too.
...for grandparents that love my children even when they don't understand them.
...for boys that never give up. They are the greatest examples of perseverance and determination in my life. They inspire me, challenge me and never cease to amaze me.
...for the funny stuff that comes from the mouths of babes. It would be a full time job to try and record it all.
...for so much more than I could ever write in one blog post.
...for this life. This beautiful, messy, roller coaster ride of a life.
Every breath.
Every moment.
Every cuddle.
Every kiss.
Every tear.
Every time I feel like my heart can't possibly break anymore.
Every time that I feel inexpressible joy.
Every mountain.
Every valley.
All of it-a precious Gift
and I am once again, on my knees,
full of gratitude.
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