I'm not sure what to do with this little corner of the internet.
I go back and forth between wanting to jump back into blogging and wanting to delete the whole thing.
I don't have much time these days.
Well, I suppose this is probably a "cop out". I've never really had much time and I've made it work. I guess the truth is I'm less inclined to make it work these days. The time when I could blog is time I'd rather spend in other ways in this season of life.
Part of my struggle is in deciding what to write. That's always been a bit of a problem, but as my children grow it seems more of an issue. I am more and more becoming keenly aware that these stories aren't just mine. In fact, I'm not sure they are mine at all much of the time. I have long made a habit of asking permission before posting most things. For every post there are many that go unwritten because they are too personal, too difficult or a dozen other reasons. Even when permission is granted, I wonder will they change their mind later at 20,30, 55?
I'm not sure what will become of this space.
Maybe I'll spruce it up with some new writing.
Maybe I'll take it down.
Maybe I'll leave it like an abandoned old house.
For now, I'll just stick to saying life is busy and I don't have much time.
Things have been wonderful and hard and fun and boring and fabulous and awful and busy and full and a million other things...that's always been the case and likely always will.
Really, it could all be summed up in one little word.
The good, the bad, the ugly...it's all a gift.
I may not be writing about it much these days, but I am trying my best to soak it all up...especially moments like these:
Rocklin loves to take pictures and while he prefers to do nature photography, he can't resist taking pics of his adorable baby brother. I was looking through recent photos and here are a few that he's captured...
It's been way too long since I've posted, I have birthday posts and summer fun posts and posts on a dozen other topics all swirling in my head and my draft box, but alas there isn't enough time or energy in the day right now to get caught up.
I couldn't get posting to work from my phone, but now that I'm on the computer for the first time in over a week, it's time to properly introduce the blog world to our new little guy.
Fisher Simon (Fin)
We are all in love and so, so, so thankful to be given this precious gift!
We had an ultrasound this morning and have news to share...
***"spoilers" below, so watch the video first!***
Aaron did not want to be in the video and we had technical
difficulties recording Parker, so that's why this starts with Jerald opening his
We stopped at the store on the way home and picked
up six gifts...one for each of them to open and the final one for
Grampie (my dad) who kindly hung out at our house while we were gone. The kids gifts were all gender neutral to keep the
suspense going just a few more minutes. Then we let Grampie open the
final gift to show the baby's gender.
It was bittersweet for Mag, she so desires a sister amongst all of these brothers. Yet, she is thrilled to be getting another sibling even if it's a brother. Many people think she is "stuck" with all these boys, but the truth is she is blessed by them and she is a huge blessing to them as well.
Jerald was so sure it was a girl, adjusting his expectations to reality has been a bit difficult for him, but I have little doubt that he'll be knitting sweet baby boy things in no time.
As for the others, well Rock and Aaron are just thrilled about a baby and the video should leave no doubt what Parker thinks. ;-)
We are thrilled and blessed by all of our children no matter their gender and this time is no different.
It is an exhausting, exhilarating, joyful and sometimes difficult journey to be a parent, but what a blessing and privilege it is amongst the responsibility!
We cannot wait to welcome our sixth child, fifth son into the world in September!
No, not to satisfy a pregnancy craving, instead to pick up a medication.
Still awake and always eager to spend time with his Dad, Jay asked to tag along.
Just as they left, I asked them to also grab a Mounds bar.
All was great until they discovered that particular store did not have any Mounds bars.
As is common for many on the autism spectrum, Jay does not handle this sort of "change of plans" well.
He insisted that Dad drive to a different store.
It was well past Dad's bed time, patience was running thin and going all over to get something that was not a necessity was just not going to fly with him.
Kev's solution was simple and perfectly reasonable, grab a couple of other types of candy bars and call it good.
Simple and reasonable doesn't matter for a kiddo that has a specific request in his mind. To him, anything less than what I asked for was not acceptable. There is no room for an alternative. I didn't say "grab a candy bar too, please." I asked for a Mounds bar. Nothing else was gonna do.
Jay started to become visibly and vocally upset.
It was late, he was tired, things were not going the way he expected, Dad was also frustrated...
This had the potential to escalate into a really bad situation quickly.
Then something happened.
Not a baby step either. A giant leap.
Jay was still upset, but he was able to stop in the moment and problem solve.
"I'll make my own Mounds bar."
and so he did.
Initially, he thought he'd just melt a peppermint patty in the microwave and add coconut to it.
On second thought, he decided he should go to the internet and find a recipe.
At nearly 1am, he tiptoed into my bedroom, jolted me awake (by asking if I was awake) and held out his surprise for me to try.
I'm not sure it tasted much like a real Mounds bar.
The progress behind it though?
Yeah, that makes it taste a MILLION times better than the best chocolate on earth.
I'm sure we haven't seen the last of the meltdowns, the inability to switch gears and go with plan B or a number of other struggles.
I'm equally sure that amongst those moments, we will continue to see times of progress and nothing could be sweeter!